Mission II

Three years ago, as I was going through the second biggest love loss in my life thus far, I turned to writing. Shortly after, "New York Love" was born. Unbeknownst to myself, the following years became the most important to my personal and spiritual growth. I found what I was looking for all along. It was the power of love I already had inside me. I opened my heart and let love surround me from inside out. The results were amazing: I started attracting more positive and loving people into my life, the world was becoming friendlier by day, and most importantly, a loving relationship I was craving for finally entered my life.

I thought myself the luckiest gal in this whole NY galaxy.
However, after a year of basking in a loving bliss, I started feeling restless again. Now, I am not saying something was wrong. In fact, my life never was such a smooth sail before. However, I started looking beyond my own well-being. I started asking myself: What am I doing to make a difference in this world? What purpose do I have?

I truly believe when we are in a healthy relationship we are encouraged to look beyond ourselves, to expand our reach. So here I am, in a loving relationship with a partner who inspires me to look beyond myself, spread my love around, and find my true purpose.

First, it comes as a shock to those of us who've spent all their twenties building career in the corporate world, only to discover later that it was all wrong, completely off path. I do feel grateful for certain things that my career in the corporate world gave me: financial independence, wonderful people I met along the way, camaraderie, and security of a monthly check. However, increasingly I start feeling withdrawn from its culture, realizing that there is more to life than working for someone else, longing to make a real difference in this world.

I am sure in this age, a lot people start feeling disconnected from their jobs. We are the most evolved society, and longing for authenticity is not a surprise or a rare occurrence these days. Yes, initially I was shocked to discover that after all this years of working on my career, I was actually drifting further away from my true purpose. I wasn't living my passions, I wasn't living my own life. Yet, I was grateful for this awareness. I had a glimpse of what my life would be like if I never worked a day in my life because I LOVED what I did. I started craving for my true path.

So here I am, embarking on a new mission to find my true calling, and inviting you to join me. We all deserve to create our own lives, to find our own truth.

Summary
Mission: Find true calling, follow my bliss, make a difference;
Agent: Determined female in her early thirties, tired of working for someone else, ready to become her own boss;
Current situation: working in the corporate world; not being able to quit before another stable source of income materializes;
Resources: my own hunger for knowledge; inspirations from others, personal motivation;
Method: by exploring various passions and methods to find a personally, spiritually and financially rewarding career. Action-oriented but still connected to the wisdom within.
Test control: By documenting my endeavors on the blog, and drawing logical and relevant conclusions.
Start: start where I am and keep going.

Update

Cheers lovers,

Today, I've taken an inventory of my blogging activity, which quite frankly shocked me. I hardly wrote anything this year.

The slowdown was inevitable in some way, since I wasn't dating anymore. But the blog became a part of me in the last 3 years, it was my creative outlet, my spiritual outburst. Writing it and expressing myself helped me find myself and most importantly, accept myself completely. In the last year, I tried to convince myself that the mission was accomplished, and now I could move on to the next project. I would occupy myself with many other things, keeping myself busy. But in the end, I had to accept the truth - I get lost without writing, I get off track. It's as if I am shutting a very important part of myself down, the part that is responsible for my creations, the one that connects me with my soul.

So I am back.

I am back to New York Love, back to you, and to myself.

I am planning to set out a new mission for myself that will bring me back here over and over again.
I am planning a search for my true calling. For now that's all I am going to share, but tune in all my fellow New Yorkers, those who are searching, those who are curious, for we are on a mission to find our true path. To connect to our soul, to find our passions, to embark on our own life journey.

Namaste

What If...

We stop wasting time when we stop asking ourselves "What if" - Sasha D.

Cheers all,

Recently I found myself breaking one of the cardinal "happiness" rules: asking myself "What if"?
What if I didn't come to NY? What if I stayed closer to my family? What if I went to Journalism school like I wanted? What if I pursued "dream" career? What if, what if, what if....

I am deeply aware that dwelling on this question does not only make one unhappy, it also makes one unproductive, unfruitful if you will. Yet sometimes the force is too strong to handle. I am a thinker after all.

I've spent months searching my soul; although torturing my soul, would probably be a more suitable reference here. I was trying to look back and imagine what would have happened, would I have felt more fulfilled, would I have felt more purpose then? I was relentless, I even got upset that it was probably too late to change anything now... I was too hard on myself, without even realizing it. I wasn't my own best friend.

What happens as a result of this?
Besides, feeling dissatisfied with your life, and mounting stress, you start loosing vision of your current life, vision of your future goals. You become dis-attached from the flow of life, you stop listening to your soul. It's as if you gave your soul a time-out blaming it for personally not being in the place you think you should be. The soul doesn't take it well, it gets sad, it cries, it eventually goes into a dark place.
Just writing these words, makes me emotional for having been so disregarding and even awful to the most important essence of my whole being, to my soul.
But I finally was able to raise my eyes, to open my heart and notice what I was doing. Not a minute will be wasted on this useless questioning.
The truth is we'll never know what would have been if we had chosen one way over the other. It could have been better, or it could have been worse. We could have been more accomplished, or not. We could have been more happy, or not. This is the question we'll never be able to answer, just like the question of life. It's not meant to be answered, for it is the essence of life.

 I stop, I change my course, I beckon to my soul, I realize that I've done the best I could, I accept myself. and then beyond, I thank myself for being where I am, for being strong, for being present. I thank myself for being alive, and being the light. I let my "what if's" float away on a not returnable ship. I choose to live my life gracefully, even though I might never find the answer. I dare to look at the present, and perhaps the future. I let my soul tell me what IS.

And I end up asking myself "What is"? I am still a thinker...