Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Good Night

If you are similar to me than you understand that I won't sit still until I feel my best. My last post was pretty depressing to say the least (though inspiring). and that's ok, especially considering that it happens once in a "blue" moon in my life (ladies know those days:). But I won't be rested until I am back to my perky, giggly self. I love myself happy, and that's the way I want to be!

So I do anything and everything to sustain myself at that. It did take me some effort since Sunday, but I am where I want to be right now. Never mind that I almost had a verbal fight with a stranger at a drug store this evening over which line we were waiting on. I knew it wasn't me!! I had to find me asap. And so I did tonight. I am glad to report that a couple of gloomy days are finally behind me. I am back to being myself! I am back to being positive.

And of course, I had to share this with you. Simply because I want to inspire you to have the same determination on getting yourself back to a positive and enthusiastic state of mind. This is your sole responsibility. NO one else's. Yes, it's just you who can make you happy.
So please work on your own ways and methods to keep/stay positive. It's your best shot at life. And that I know for sure.

Love to all. Nite.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Daily Inspiration

Hi All,

Last night I was feeling a little blue, restless if you will. You know those days, when you're not easily excited, and the world seems a little darker than usual? And you start questioning the reason and purpose of our mere existence?
And it's not necessarily that there is something wrong or right with us. It's really just a state of a busy mind, of a curious mind looking for answers.
For me it's my usual eternal void. My constant search for source and meaning of it all, unsatisfied pursuit of our life purpose. Why are we here? What is it that we have (or not) to do? And how do we measure? And how do we know what's real and what's not? Will we ever find the answers? Will we ever know the truth?

Yes, some heavy thinking for Sunday :) But hey, it's important to think. It's good to ask. Even if we never find the answers. Even when we feel like we're getting close only to realize later that we'd never been further...

But certain things in this world bring me back (at least for awhile), and make me smile and, most importantly, make me believe again. Believe that love is all that matters, and if we just let it be, we'll see beauty everywhere.

Last night it was this video that brought me back and gave me hope: http://youtu.be/BGODurRfVv4

Enjoy, and think for yourself, look for your own answers.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Post Sandy, Part IV

"Embrace challenge. It's an accelerator to growth" - Sasha D (NYL blog's writer)

The month I was displaced wasn't the hardest month in my life. It was the most challenging.

The person I am, I like my space, I love my space! That was the reason I wanted to move to Long Beach in the first place. I needed more space. I wanted to get away from the city and its consuming noise. I was looking for an escape.

Imagine when you're looking forward to something really bad, counting days knowing that it's all set and waiting for you. And then you get it, but you only get it for a moment. The next thing you know, you're not only back to where you were but worse...

That's exactly what happened to me. I moved to a beautiful place by the beach, with lovely neighbors and friendly community. It felt unreal, it felt heavenly. I wasn't just happy, I felt like I was living my dream, I was writing my own book.
Listen, all my life I dreamed to live by the beach, nothing brought me to God closer than the water, and the Atlantic Ocean outside my windows was as close to Heaven as I could get.
I know it sounds a bit dramatic. But it is. It was.

So I move there, after 3 long months of anticipation. I don't care about the storm warning, I don't care about anything. What bad could happen if I am finally going to live my dream?

And then, 2 days later, my dream escapes me. I find myself in a dark cold place with no connection to the world, and a feeling of harsh awakening. It wasn't meant to be. I wasn't supposed to have my heaven yet. I am not done with the world. I have work to do.

The city simply didn't let me go. I am too young, I am too driven, I am too ambitious to escape the world and live my own heavenly secluded existence.

Instead I am thrown back to what I was running away from - life, people, action. And there was never as much of each as in a month to come. Every day was a survival, a new strategy, a new action. I was never alone, even for a second. That was the biggest challenge indeed. I learned how to live with others. Though I lived with a couple of boy-friends before, that was different. This time, it was vulnerable, even exposing. Despite the fact that it was uncomfortable for the most part, I learned how to get by depending on others. Something I always had a problem with. Never depended on anyone really, that was a new and profound experience.

I am not going to say Yes, that was amazing, I want to do it again :) No, I am still as independent as I was. But I am very happy I had an opportunity to learn how to accept help.
Lesson # 4: Accepting help from others is necessary at times. That will teach us how to help others.

It wasn't just help from friends I stayed with, it was help from friends who took care of my kitty, friends who drove me to Long Beach and back to get stuff, friends who offered storage for my things. Special thanks to all is at the end of this post.

Back to facts. As stated in my previous post about Sandy, the apartment I moved in on Long Beach would take months to fix. I wasn't sure what to do. Look for a new place, sublet something temporarily and wait till my place on LB is fixed? How long would I have to wait? Many Many questions to ask and answer. I was so lost, I wasn't even thinking for the most part. I was just taking steps, one at a time. And one small step along the way eventually brought me to my new place, my new home:)

After a month of confusion and chaos (domestically at least, never spiritually:) I was back in the city permanently. I can't say I found my new home. It was more that it found me. And now I am residing in the area that means NYC to me more than any other. Because this neighborhood was my first home not only in NYC but in the States. I am back to where I came first: near Columbia University. And it never felt more like home:)

To be continued....

Special thanks to my friends: Val, Marianne, Ksenia, Vas, Jeromy, Tulu, Joe, Serge, Natalie F, Roxana, Jonathan and Daniel :)

Saying Good Bye to Long Beach. A NY Times photographer captured this shot of me.

With my Sis (to the left)  at Columbia campus where I stayed 11 years ago
and now live 5 blocks away from it.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Winter Display

No one says "Winter Glory" as well as Bergdorf Goodman.


Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."
--T.S. Eliot,
American-British writer

In the spirit of a New Year, would love to send you my blessings and warm wishes.
I am still settling after Sandy, therefore haven't been up to date with my blog. But hang in there, I'm still here and soon you'll be hearing a lot from me. So enjoy the silence :)

For now, want to wish you all a happy 2013. Let it be the year you leave old beliefs behind, and find your new boundaries as you keep growing and evolving. 
Live one day at a time, and do the best you can so if it were your last day to live, there would be no regrets but contentment that you've lived your life to the fullest. Love yourself and spread it around.

Love you all!