Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Dating Game, III

Cheers all,

Sorry for my temporary disappearance, it wasn't intentional. Life has been hectic in the past few weeks, and, as I once mentioned, I take my blog seriously, and only write from my heart and soul. When life gets crazy, connecting to my heart and soul could be challenging. Hence my temporary absence..

Anyway I am back, and ready to share with you my latest "new york love" shenanigans. Though I write about many different (ideally inspirational/motivational) things, the primary purpose of this blog is to find true love, and inspire others. The task I took on exactly a year ago. Results: many fun dates, few strong connections, 2 major disappointments, best sex of my life, one painful breakup. A lot has been experienced and learned. But most importantly, I have never felt stronger and so much in love with myself as I do now. More about it later.

If you read the last post from my "Online dating" series, then you are aware that I actually dated someone I met online for a few months. And although I was temporary off the dating market, let me tell my dating life was anything but dull. Right when I met the guy I dated, I met a couple of guys at my gym who deserve to be mentioned here :)

It was a typical Friday night, and where else would I be but at the Reebok sports club. Yes, my usual TGIF routine doesn't involve 2 for 1 margaritas at the nearest bar... I've told you I'm dorky :)

Here I am on a treadmill, watching Tosh on Comedy central, trying to run and laugh at the same time. Please don't try it, could be dangerous! Some guy simply comes up and starts talking to me. Only a Russian guy could interrupt you while you're in the middle of doing your own thing. Sure enough, Michael is Russian and it only takes five minutes into a conversation that I am invited to go hiking with him tomorrow and anything he is doing in the future. That's the way Russian guys are: fast, straightforward, persistent. He is not giving up. Lucky for him, I like his smile, so here is my number, see you tomorrow. After a few unsuccessful attempts to become my personal trainer for the night, he finally leaves me alone to finish my workout.

As I finish my workout, take a shower, and head outside, I find that it's raining cats and dogs. Even umbrella wouldn't be much of a use, not that I have it..

What are my choices? Not many. I am just waiting for the rain to stop. Few minutes passes and another lucky Reebok member joins me under the roof. I feel his look on me, I am kinda used to it, so no sign from my side. In a few minutes, I guess tired of waiting to see any interest coming his way, he goes "How long have you been waiting?  "5 years and 2 months" I'm thinking but saying "A few minutes". Really, does it matter how long I have been waiting? How will it improve the odds of stopping the rain.. Logically?

"Hmm" he says."We could be waiting for a long time" What a genius! I have no choice but to look at him with a smirk on my wet face. As I turn around and finally look at him, all my sarcastic intentions wash away as fast as the rain falling on our faces. I am met with an amazing smile. He's got my smile: open, sweet, real, sexy, mysterious. I am drawn to him instantly. The rain stops and we start walking and talking and it's all good! Amar is from India, has been around the world, and it seems we'll never run out of things to talk about. And his smile, that smile..

He walks me to the Lincoln Center, I give him my number, and we cheek kiss each other good night. I am running home, and dreaming of his smile.

Stay tuned to hear what happens next.


Monday, April 9, 2012

Online Dating, Finale

At last, I am ready to share with you the finale of my online dating experience and give you my last word on the whole thing.

If you recall, the plan was: 3 months, 3 dates, no more, no less. Idea: to prove to the Universe, and probably to myself mostly, that I was ready to open up again, and put my money where my mouth is.

3 dates took place, and all I wanted to do is to leave this all behind me, and never ever do it again. Just not my thing, just not for me.

So after Steve (my last dramatic date), I stopped checking my account or responding to anyone for a few weeks. That was until one day, I received an email from a guy who, for some reason, caught my attention. Normally I would never even look at him, he wasn't my type. But this time it was exactly the reason I did; I was intrigued. He looked kind, and so sooo different from the usual type A guys I'd dated. I decided it could be very refreshing to have a date with someone totally different. What's the worst that could happen? With that sweet look and those puppy eyes, he could never hurt me, right?

So I said yes to his invitation to the Jazz at Lincoln Center. Never mind that I screwed up the dates first, and then tried to move it to another day. Things just kept popping up (or maybe my heart just wasn't there anymore, also I met someone interesting at my gym right then...). Whatever the reason, when we finally met, my initial impression of him was reinforced. Yes, not the guy I am usually attracted to, not the typical ambitious man with a serious life action. P seemed sweet and kind. I found it refreshing that he knew nothing about the stock market, and would never have to go to London or the Neverland for yet another business trip. He was always there, always prompt with his responses, always smiling, always saying Yes. He was present at all times.

So here is where it gets tricky and, unfortunately, I won't be able to share with you the details. First, simply because it's too private. Second, he reads my blog and the least I can do is to respect what we had.

We dated for 2+ months, one of them was great, the other one wasn't. As I called it "a breakup in slow motion". I ignored many signs, my closest friend and colleagues having little faith and having strong (outspoken, you know who you are!) opinions. I wanted to change my usual course of action and give it a chance.
Basically, I was too strong for him to handle, he wasn't strong enough for me to tolerate. We were too different. And I tried, believe me, I even closed my eyes on grammar mistakes in his emails/texts.. He didn't close his eyes on anything, and broke my trust in the most disgraceful manner. First time I learned what bittersweet tasted like.

It ended before my NY's trip back home, and then, I realized, Opposites do attract, but they don't work, at least not for me. I was glad I tried but I had to be honest with myself. Nothing I can do about it, I am attracted to a certain type, maybe not the easiest type out there, but at least I know, for sure, that when I find a place for me in their life, it REALLY does mean something.

Final word: online dating works for hookups, short-term relationships, and if you want to lose any passion for dating altogether. Still wishing you all good luck.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Whatever, Whenever

Cheers all.

Those who know me, or have been following my blog, are well aware that I am a hard core optimist, a cheerleader of life. Just appears to the world that way. But to think that I never get sad, upset, annoyed, stressed, irritated, etc.. would be entirely utopian. Being extremely passionate and emotional as well, I go thru a whole range of emotions, some of them couldn't ever be explained or mentioned at my own risk..

Yet I always appear and behave in such a way that it's hard to imagine that I could be anything but a happy smily face.. It's just that I've always been on guard to watch for those "negative" emotions and attack them as soon as they creep up on me. Let me tell you, I've become a real warrior of "negative" emotions over the years. Exhausting? Yes. Worth the fight? Yes, till I collapsed. But last week I changed my usual course of action.

An amazing thing happened really, and something (one of my inner voices) tells me it has to do with mine getting into yoga (pardon my recent yoga obsession, I thank and blame it for everything that happens to me these days). But really only good can happen when you get into yoga (sorry couldn't help it again!)

Anyway, when last Friday, for some unknown reason (which is usually the case), I started feeling sad and even upset, for the first time in my life, I didn't fight it. I let those feelings in and simply observed them flow thru me. I didn't force myself to run and read some inspirational stuff, call people who cheer my up, get a massage, go shopping, have J take me out to dinner, buy La Perla... the usual things I do to get myself out of this state. Instead, I accepted those emotions as if they were my (new) friends just like the "positive" ones. of course, some wine helped as always (power of wine could never be underestimated). And alas, a couple of days later, I was my usual optimistic self.

I thought about it, you know me, as always I need to analyze and come up with a final analysis for anything that happens. And I was startled to find out that only now have I finally accepted myself completely, fun or no fun. That's what I call unconditional love. That's what I find powerful.

In the end, I felt much stronger, and realized there is nothing I have to fight within me: it's all perfectly good, at least to me, and the rest is - whatever/whenever.. It's that new strenght that I can handle any emotion and still make it safely back :)

Monday, April 2, 2012


Cheers all,

Wanted to share with you one powerful practice you can do right away, and see instant positive results on your wellbeing and those around you.  

Last week, I read an inspirational letter from one of the yoga sites. The writer (sorry, don't remember her name) suggested saying "Namaste" to anyone crossing your path on a daily basis, be it someone close to you or a complete stranger. And especially to those not behaving the way you wish they would.

Namaste means: "The God/Goddess Spirit in me recognizes and honors the God/Goddess Spirit in you."
You know me, I always need to try it for myself to see if it really works. And so I did. Except for the weekend (will tell you later) the whole week last week, I would silently say "Namaste" to anyone I see. And let me tell you it's nothing short of a miracle. Of course, I am used to people being nice to me, at least not being mean that's for sure. But this time, everyone would light up and smile at me as if they were extremely happy to see me. People were being super nice to me, the way I always imagined they would be in my world. Who knew that I could actually create it in this physical world? and all I have to do is say and MEAN "Namaste".

True to myself (i.e. my curious nature), I spent some time thinking on how to explain this phenomena. And the easiest way I can put it is that we are all energy, and all our thoughts and feelings are energy waves that vibrate and resonate with others. Namaste is one of the most powerful energetic waves, something like the brightest sun ray on the most beautiful sunny day. It lights you up, warms your heart and fills it with love. The only rule is that you really have to mean it when you say it: The divine in me sees the divine in you. One small sentence, one powerful message. You need to believe in your own Divinity first, the one that is all loving and nourishing. Your Divinity can only see Divinity in others. It's forever accepting and loving. By acknowleding and accepting this truth, you see the world changing in front of your eyes.

I do realize that sometimes we are simply not in a place where it's easy to say and mean Namaste. But once you try it and see the immidiate results it will be so much easier to go back to it. In the end, you begin to see that it serves you much better. Indeed powerful practice: by seeing Divinity in others, they give their Divine to you.

Namaste :)