Sunday, August 28, 2011

Dating Game II

I know I've left you in the dark about what happened in Vegas and especially what happened after.
First calm down, all went well, I didn't have to run and get a room to save myself from a maniac. Quite the opposite, M and I had a wonderful time. I know I did. But as cliche as it sounds, that wonderful time stayed in Vegas.
I came back to NY and to reality.
It was a very busy time for me, on love front that is. You know how it always happens all at once. I had my mind on M, JM and RD (just seeing them of course, nothing else except for one). Trying to figure out who I liked the most, who to see and who would I possibly date.. Choices, decisions..
Needless to say, none of them came to play any role. I figured something important, if I wasn't sure about either one it meant that none of them had stepped forward enough for me to make that decision. And as soon as I made that realization they all quietly disappeared.. I still talk to JM, considering that we've known each other for 4 years now. Once again, he transitioned back to a good old friend I see twice a year to catch up on the world affairs and cross cultural differences. RD has transitioned into a friend category. and it seems to be going just fine, we are both intelligent people. Besides we enjoy each other's company immensely. M has simply transitioned into a wonderful past experience..
It was then when I felt exhausted emotionally and took a break from dating.
Even though several weeks ago, I informed you that I was back in the game, I am not dating at a full force just yet; taking my time. I wouldn't probably at all but as you know when you have the least interest you get the most.. Since I get quite a bit of attention and trying to treat people the way I want to be treated I have an occasional date now and then. But I am in no rush to get to know anyone as soon as I normally do. So for now, I'll just leave it at this. Updates to follow.

Also I am going to Spain next week and coming back mid September. I will miss you guys though most likely won't be able to get to my writing till I'm back. But I promise once I am back there will be alot of exciting catching up on my part. I am planning to have an awesome time in Spain, and there is even a little treat for me.. I'll tell you all about it later. For now, enjoy the last summer days in NY, and look forward to a new season in the city.


Thursday, August 25, 2011

One Thing I learned In All My Years...

Today I was hit with a quote muse. Literally, as I was walking home, I had to stop every 5 minutes to write each one down.
I know you might say You? Quotes? Yes, I am no Winston Churchill or Mark Twain but I was full of them today, they just attacked me. You can take them with a grain of salt, a smile, or even criticism. But quotes are just short statements of our principles, observations. We all have them and I encourage you to look for your own. Here we go, my quotes:

  • Most people are weak. The ones who say they are not, don't even have courage to admit it.

  • I am not afraid to be single. Sometimes I'm even looking forward to it so I'll be able to forget all the disappointments I incurred in a relationship.

  • All men want is just to sleep with you.. It's usually fine with me as we have that in common.

  • I have yet to meet a man who is a great lover and normal.

  • Great sex is the only reason I put up with a weakness in a man.

  • The only time a woman has a total control over a man is right after sex and before he realizes he is not on the Moon.

  • When a man orgasms, it's the end of a journey; when a woman does, a journey has just started.

  • The distinct difference between having sex with a man and pleasuring yourself is that a woman won't stop before she orgasms at least 5 times.

  • Most women are spiteful. That's why I prefer men as friends even though I know they all want to sleep with me.

  • People I admire the most are the ones who don't let others get to them.

  • Weren't it for my love for sex most men would just be friends I have dinners with.

  • I'd still choose to be a woman. At least we have make-up to make ourselves feel better.

  • Do all men cheat? No. Some of them are too scared.

  • Most men lie about three numbers: age, penis size and bank account. Women lie about one: how many orgasms they faked.

  • Never listen to an advice nor give one. Unless you're talking to yourself.

  • Women who are afraid to be single haven't learned how to orgasm on their own yet.

  • The only action men are never hesitant to take is to get their penis to action. And it's only because it has a mind of its own.

  • If there is only one thing I had to say.. To men: Don't underestimate women. To women: Don't overestimate men.

  • If you and your partner resort to kinky sex too often it means someone isn't getting off that often.

  • If a woman says Money isn't important, she is either lying or knows what great sex is. If a man says Money isn't important, it's either he could never make any or.. wait there is no Or.

  • Never go to a strip club with your man. You'll end up disappointed no matter what. If it's only disappointment you got out easy.

  • The only way I would get a tattoo, if I were unconscious. They turn me off.

  • The reason why I always smile is because I have difficulty crying.

  • Sarcasm is the last thing I resort to. It means I finally don't give a fuck.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Most Important Love

"Figuring out who you are is the whole point of the human experience" -- Anna Quindlen.

This post is an addition to the previous one where I stressed on importance of making friends with yourself. Very often we are our own worst critic, we beat ourselves up, criticize, and even hate sometimes. I know I'd felt/done those hurtful actions to myself. That is before I figured out that I am really the only one who will always be there for me, seriously Till death do us part. You can't argue with that :)
If you think about it, you are with yourself 24/7, and after all this time together we still manage to be anything other than loving to ourselves. Maybe because we get too much of ourselves and need a break? Then get out of your head, meditate, whatever makes you shift your focus.
But the most important thing is to find passion for yourself, to learn what makes you tick, to look for things that please you. I am constantly discovering new things about myself and am very excited when it's something completely out of the blue. Like 2 years ago I had no idea that I would love running so much. That I'd feel a great sense of freedom when horse back riding. That I would write a blog and love it. and so on and so on.
Look for new things, have fun doing it. If you develop this love and appreciation from within, the Universe will match it. You'll have more people who appreciate you, you'll see better treatment wherever you go. Your life will change. For it has to, once you love yourself you won't accept anything other than respect and appreciation.
Sometimes I would tell some of my friends who struggled finding the love for themselves. Imagine that you have a daughter (or son, it's easier to imagine a daughter as we tend to be more protective of girls) and how you would love her and never let anything bad happen to her. No bad people, no bad jobs, no bad boy-friends. And then apply that same approach to yourself. Really if you think about it, that little girl is the part of you and needs your TLC :)
So please find ways to love yourself. Start a journey of learning about yourself, and expect that it will be a lifetime journey. Lastly, the more you know yourself the less you'll wonder why your life isn't treating you right.

I am wishing you all realize that you are the only one who will always be there for you. Just that fact alone deserves unconditional love and appreciation on your part.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Time alone - precious time

I have a little end-of-the-day ritual which I try do at least once a week, all by myself. On that day, I have no plans after work, I usually go to the Central Park, or gym, basically do something that relaxes me. Whatever it is, it has to be time alone.  Then I go home and unwind my way..
I was able to do it tonight and felt compelled to share it with you. It is so important to value the time spent alone, and make the most of it. To live life fully, you need to make best friends with yourself, and the time spent alone will never feel lonely. You're happy, you're with your best friend..
So tonight, after a run at the gym, I got home at a reasonable hour and had those 2 hours that I need to unwind. I put on my sexy slip, have a glass of Pinot Noir in bed while being online listening to Jazz. I love old school jazz, a la Glenn Miller Orchestra, or vocals such as Ella Fitzgerald and Frank Sinatra. I always had affection for old school things, probably has to do with mine being an old soul :) or simply a love for romance.. whatever..
This time alone makes me feel whole and complete, I feel connected. I want to share this with you as I truly believe that you get most connected when by yourself. And the most magical things happen when you're connected. You are happy no matter what the circumstances are. You are simply happy to be you.

If you know what I mean and practice it, good for you. If you don't, I would advise you go on an exciting journey of discovering who you are. Falling in love with yourself. Making best friends with yourself. In the end, only when you love your own company will others appreciate it too.

Love and blessings!!

Friday, August 19, 2011

All or Nothing

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."
Anais Nin

It still amazes me how we people might perceive certain things other than they truly are. Specifically, how we see someone first, only to have our opinion change later on once we get to know the person. It happens all the time. Just think of a person you thought was this and that, and then once you got to know them better you realized how wrong your initial perception was..
I usually don't have many of those experiences due to my natural gift of perception and intuition (if no one praises you...) But I do have those moments and I am happy when the person turns out more beautiful than I originally thought.
But what amazes me the most is how I hear people tell me about their initial perception of me.. It's true, we live our lives within, it's the world we have inside ourselves. But I just didn't know how different my inner world could be from some of the perceptions people have of me. I believe it applies to many people though, I am not an individual case..
Basically most people who don't know me that well and I would say don't have those natural perceptive abilities think me as emotionally strong, determined to a core, extreme perfectionist with little tolerance for weaknesses.. Basically a super woman with high demands from herself and others..
Well let me tell you this. I am not even 50% of that. Yes, I am strong and a perfectionist, but when it comes to emotions, I am a as a woman as it can get. I just learned how to control it, and my natural optimism is my perfect mask. Perfectionism.. Yes, I get impatient when people don't get it, when they are slow and not bright enough. But it's because of my own demands from myself. Believe me I am the toughest on myself to be fast and bright. I just forget sometimes that those are demands for myself and not others.
I have a few weaknesses, we all do. But they are not the ones most people think. Some of them are my constant need to be the best I can be, to do better..  To feel guilty when not doing anything.. To compare myself to others.. To feel pain for the homeless. To cry when an animal is hurt... To run away from fights with a partner.. To not return his calls until I am emotionally ready.. To shut down if someone screams at me.. To not being able to return once I said No.. To expect either all or nothing at all..
But I am working on them, and I do accept the fact that some weaknesses I'll never overcome. If an animal suffers i'll cry when I am 92 y.o.. I'll never accept someone screaming at me. never. But I am making an effort to learn to see the shades of grey, to let myself be lazy sometimes, to respond even if I don't want to, to not expect perfectionism from others.
In the end, learning to embrace my strengths more, which are much much grander than my weaknesses.

We'll never be perfect but we can be perfectly compatible with some. It's the knowledge of one's strengths and weaknesses, acceptance of them and authentic life that brings one closer to those who are compatible. This creates harmony where all traits become strengths.
Summary: Live your life authentically, accept yourself and let others be who they are. Follow your heart.  and remember that we all have different worlds within ourselves so never take anything personally. For the person who seems invincible and strong might be the most vulnerable one. Know thyself and let others be.


Monday, August 15, 2011

Baby I'm for Real

I just have to warn you, this will be a corny post, even dorky.. Well I’ll have to risk my reputation on this one..
Have you heard a song “Baby I’m for real” by Michael McDonald? I know, I know.. But I love what it says. Don’t you just want to hear those words from a man you are with? A man you loved? A man you love? I’d say at least from a man you love and who proclaims to love you too. And it’s not just that you hear those words, you believe them too.
I heard many love confessions, something along the lines "I feel that God created you just for me (selfish..), You're the best, and only with me can you experience such love (selfish more..), Did your parents know you're so hot (Common!!) I'll stop before it's too late.. I still care about my reputation :)
So I heard it all from the men I loved and the ones I didn't. But I never heard what I really wanted (and still do) to hear. Baby I am for real!!

In this cynical world, especially NY, this is what we, women, really want to hear. And not just hear, but know that it is indeed real.
I know ladies will agree with me, and maybe some men (the ones who are still looking for an answer to a lifetime question What Women Want?) will do too. If you're not for real say so. No one will chase you, I promise. But if you are, don't be afraid to voice it as there is a chance this is exactly what your woman wants. 

Friday, August 12, 2011

My early work I

As promised, I wanted to share some of my early writing. I've been writing all my life but most of it has been simply sent to the Universe. Not that I ever thought to save it, just was channeling my unfulfilled creative desires. That's why I was so happy to have recently found a memory stick from 4 years ago that had a part of my journal. Bear in mind I was 25 back then and going thru some serious personal and professional transformations. I believe it was (how they say it) the best and the worst of times. 
The piece below was written during my former company's training. For quiet some time I was angry with my parents for not being there for me. If you recall from my first posts, I came to the US as an international exchange student at 19 and never went back.. Parents had no physical presence really, at times I even felt that I was all on my own. I don't feel that way now, but again I am more mature now and see things differently. However back then I was blaming some of the hardship on them. Mom and Dad, I love you and am sorry for ever feeling that way. You're the best parents and always took care of me. It was my choice to leave and stay here and for that I take full responsibility.

     "She woke up early this morning. Again. It has been already three days in Orlando, and three nights in a hotel bed, yet      she still couldn’t find that comfort and easiness to make it thru the night for at least 5 straight hours. Well there is always another day, another night to try again. Considering all the facts, she was feeling well, not tired at all, just a little uneasy about having the signs of sleeplessness around her green eyes.

Last night, again it was a strange dream that could mean many things to an imaginative mind. But she knew well enough that it was that feeling of a suppressed anger with her parents for not being around and not giving a hand when it was needed. She has been on her own since 19; taking care of herself financially, emotionally, and any other way a person would do when been thrown out in deep waters of an adult life; no way back, no guidance, no life saver or even a luxury of a thought that one would be provided when waters became too wild and dangerous.
Then it would not come as a surprise that hope was something of a remote and fictional character to her. It had no substance, for in order to have such it would need to have another human involved, someone to depend on. If there was any resemblance of a hope in her restless mind, it would be a fleeting thought that she could never fail herself. Yet the thought was always fleeting, for hope would simply imply that she didn’t have total control of her life, and that would mean that there was a chance of being drowned. Life is too dangerous to entertain such a thought. So the only way the unfulfilled hope could channel itself would be those rare dreams of anger with her parents.
Therefore, it was the biggest surprise, to her mostly, when she would find a child in her, some spark of innocence and naiveté. It would be a nice & cozy, though an imaginary, feeling of having a cushion to fall on. At those moments, she believed in its existence for two reasons, one was that the feeling itself was a joy, the other is that she knew well enough that she would never fall and, therefore, no cushion would be needed. But it was nice to entertain that thought and let herself be silly and childish sometimes, even if it was just as unreal as her hope.''

Friday, August 5, 2011

Ideal Man?

Last time we were out, my girl-friends and I had a hot discussion about our ideal man. You know the one you admire (usually a celebrity) and the one you think of when creating your list..
My friends couldn't have had more different views. Some love the new guy from Thor (have no idea who he is), some love Richard Gere (Pretty Woman never goes out of style), some love Brad Pitt (never could understand it), some love Ed Norton (ok, I can see that maybe), and so on. Lots of them.
One of my girl-friends made the most hilarious speech that night when she said that up to this day, no one could compare to Robert Redford. I agree, we all agreed. He is just classic in my opinion. Never mind the age. Perfect manners, beautiful smile and hair, sexy yet manly. He makes you feel like a woman even if you're one across the screen. You want to be his woman and have a lifetime together, onscreen and off screen. Natasha got so into it (3 cocktails helped as always) that we were under the table with laughter. She said: Yes, he's the best. Yes, he is not that young anymore.. So what..When he dies, then I die.. That was just too much, I couldn't stop laughing. I want to thank her for such a passionate speech, I'll always laugh when thinking about it.
Anyway, as excited as I was to listen to my friends I couldn't come up even with one man who is my ideal. Of course, I had crushes on celebrities since 4 y.o. But I think since Tom Cruise didn't make a million in Cocktail, my life became way too real to have an ideal man image. I was even upset that I didn't have anyone in mind. Even when I play with myself, I don't have any man in mind. I'm just too focused on what makes me tick, if you know what I mean.. (sorry for the intimate details:)
True to myself, I couldn't give up on the subject and Voila, I found him.
It happened last week, when my friend and I were fantasizing about my blog coming to a big screen (I already mentioned my wild imagination). First, we started casting an actress to play my part. For some reason, Natalie (my friend) had only Latin girls in mind (Adriana Lima, Eva Mendez, etc). I thought they were too hot, I am more European. Really I wish I looked like them, maybe I just don't see myself that way.. Anyway, eventually I found an aspiring actress from Portugal that looked amazingly like me..

Naturally then I needed to find a man who would play my next (and last!) love. yes, I am only falling one more time again, I made a promise to myself. He didn't spring right to my mind but the next day I had no doubt who would play him. Nacho Figueras (pics), an Argentine Polo player. I don't know him but when I look at his pictures I feel I do. Something about him that not only makes me admit that he is the hottest man in the world, but maybe the greatest one too..
He rides horses, he loves them. He has a family and children, and he loves them. I don't know what to say. He is just the guy to play in my movie my third and last love, period.
Natalie approved and said that I told you I saw Latin in you.. You even picked the Latin guy. I don't care the origin. He is handsome, tanned, and has got beautiful hands and hair. I never really cared about the looks, and all men I dated hardly had any particular physical trend.. But with Nacho I just cannot resist.

Even if my movie is never made (Reality..) I still have my own life to live and create it on my own the best I can. And at least for now, it is comforting to know that I still managed to believe that    there are ideal men in the world, and maybe there is one for me.  

Monday, August 1, 2011

Dream life - What if..

As I was walking home from work today I got into some interesting thinking. I work across the Flatiron Bldg and walk all the way to Lincoln Center via 5th Avenue. It's a daily routine and usually uneventful. But today as I was passing all those designer stores on 5th (Pucci, Gucci, Schmucci..), I began thinking what would my life be if any means were available to me: time, money, flexibility, basically, things that would let me have the life of my dreams..
First, I thought that I would like to dress Burberry by day, and Agent Provocateur and Pucci by night. I would only stay at Four Seasons and Ritz Carlton. And I would have a yacht which I would regularly use for my get aways.
I am not a materialistic person but I have an eye for beauty, and then I realized I don't really need money for the things I want. Those are just things that could be exchanged for anything else. My mind went crazy for awhile trying to find some genius ideas for services I could provide to those places in exchange for the things I want in my perfect world.. I stopped on the idea where I would read and sign my books at Four Seasons to my loyal readers who would stay in the hotel because of me.. I know I can be very (no, extremely) imaginative :)
Of course it was just fun thinking but it did come to a conclusion. As my thoughts were progressing I realized that in the end my dream life would be by the beach. It could be in Brazil, Spain, Hawaii, Bali or anywhere else. I would play there, I would work there (writing of course!), I would make love there, all the things I love to do I could do on the beach, really. And I wouldn't even need a Pucci dress. Give me brazilian bikini, sunglasses and a scarf and I am the happiest. As there is no designer that could ever measure up to the beach, sun, sand and love..

Check out the video below I absolutely love. Hint: there are lots of brazilian bikinis:

I'm back

Just a quick note for now: I am officially back. As I stated in my prior post, it was the time to escape for a while and re-balance myself. I am almost my best balanced self again, and am ready to get back to my NY love adventures, most importantly putting them in writing.
Another great thing happened is that I found an old memory stick with my earlier journal writing. It's dated about 4 years back when I was dealing with a loss of my first love and during the most dramatic personal development. I was excited to read it and was quiet amazed with how I felt back then. So I've decided to incorporate some of my old work into my current writing. My style has changed since then but my heart's and mind's desires remained the same. It will be exciting I promise.
Stay tuned for upcoming posts about my current life and essays with my earlier writing.